Turning 40 means I've had 18 years (16 of them married) to learn about this fascinating man I married. They have been great years filled with much laughter and a few tears. The following are some memorable moments from our life together:
Making a snowman at midnight after returning from I don't remember where. Magical.
Being bad household managers together. When we were newlyweds we both worked and neither one of us liked cleaning very much. We knew exactly how many days we could go without washing glasses. One night when we had waited until the last possible minute to do dishes we washed almost everything we owned and stacked it carefully and precariously on and around the drainer. In the middle of the night the pile came crashing down and frightened us badly.
Going to Jackson Hole, Wyoming on our honeymoon and every anniversary for many years afterward. Some years when we were in school we were so poor we gave blood plasma to save up the money we needed for a few days away together. I love the Tetons because they remind me of Jay and happy times.
Disagreeing about a purchase we'd made - a throw. Jay thought it should go on the floor, you know, a throw rug. I thought it belonged on the back of the couch - a throw blanket. We finally compromised and put in on the couch for one week, the floor the next and so forth and so on...
Losing our first daughter and finding out that there was steel in both of us, that Heavenly Father always keeps His promises, and that we could count on each other and so many other people who loved us to get through difficult times.
Living in the Governor's Mansion, loving the Leavitt family and their children and attending hundreds of events (working capacity, of course but still fun)while there. My favorite? The three annual Christmas parties for families. Very informal and fun. Yummy food, too.
Eating roast beef in our bathroom - Jay and his brother Cash, that is, while I laid on the couch in the family room pregnant and thoroughly nauseated by the smell. Why didn't I go into the bedroom and allow them to eat at the table like civilized men? Because I was in my 20's as opposed to my 40's and also because Jay was incredibly kind.
Wondering why people thought marriage was so hard. What was the matter with them and their marriages?
Having our first son, Topher, and doting on every smile, every move, every breath. Doing that all over again when Ronan, Lacey Grace, and Lincoln were born. Our children have brought us great joy and growth.
Wondering why we ever thought marriage was so easy. (Notice that we started wondering this immediately AFTER we had children.)
Taking walks together.
Reading good books together. The first book we read together was a Louis L'Amour called Bendigo Shafter. Jay read it out loud to me. Then it was my turn to choose a book and we read it out loud together. (I can't remember what I chose but I do know that Jay may be one of the only men alive to have read the book Jane Eyre). We finished those early books quickly. Now we have 4 children and we've been reading the same book, Truck;A Love Story, for about 8 months. Every time Jay starts reading I fall asleep and not because it's boring. (He would want me to qualify that.)
Talking. This has been tricky, I'll be honest. I may say to Jay, "What do you think we should do about this problem with our child?" Silence and waiting for 3 seconds. "Well?" I ask. "I'm thinking," he replies. I wait longer. I wait a very long time. "Do you remember the question?" I ask. "Yes," he says, "I'm still thinking." You get the picture.
Learning Christlike attributes like patience, forgiveness, and love by practicing and practicing and practicing with each other.
Moving together to new places - I'm sorry to tell you that four of these moves have occurred on Jay's actual birthday (August 30) and the packing for the moves on our anniversary (August 29). We've never been great planners. The flip side of that is that neither one of us gets mad about things not being perfect on these days. We just roll with the punches and hope that next year will be more fun.
This is just a tiny sampling of life with a very complex and wonderful man. What will we find out about each other this year?
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4 comments:
You are such a great writer- and BTW, i think you both are great!
I can hear your voice in my head when I read your posts. What an important thing to do--look at your years together and celebrate its many and varied aspects. I'm not sure I could do that as easily and clearly as you have here (I'm going to try it out.) Thanks for sharing more for me to write and think about! I think Jay should post a comment on this one.
You are an insightful woman, my sweet sister-in-law. What a blessing you are to my brother and to my whole family. I love that you keep such good journals and are able to do posts like this. I have to rely on my crappy memory, so posts like your are not forthcoming. I hope you are writing things down about my kids' lives. I'm counting on you and my mother-in-law for a record of their lives one day.
Very good summation of a great life together. Happy Birthday Jay. We miss you both.
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