Praying

Just so I don't forget what it's like to be the mother of young children I want to quickly record what sometimes happens when I try to pray.

If I kneel down to pray in my bedroom with the door shut I find that two sentences into my prayer my name gets called. I ignore it and continue praying. This is difficult because my name is still being called and with increasing urgency. "I just need one more minute," I say to Heavenly Father. I feel completely distracted and can't seem to focus my thoughts. The door bursts open and a relieved child runs in. If they are big (Toph or Ronan) they wait quietly but somehow just knowing they are there causes me to feel pressured and lose my train of thought. If it is Lincoln he comes right over and angrily demands, "Mom, open your eyes! Mommy? Mommy!!" Often he trys to climb up on the chair where I am kneeling. He steps on or crawls across my hair and trys to lift my head. If Lacey Grace hears him she comes quickly in and says, "Lincoln. Mommy is saying her prayers." Lincoln doesn't care. He whines. She comes closer and tells him again. It is not uncommon for both children to be right by my head, one crying for my attention and the other shushing him loudly.
"Mommy!"
"Lincoln, be quiet. Mommy is saying her prayers!"
Repeated over and over again. Increased volume at every repetition.
Sometimes I laugh. Sometimes I get grumpy. Always I say, "Heavenly Father, you see me trying. Please help me today."

This is why it is not uncommon to find me kneeling behind the kitchen island where no one can see me for just a minute later in the day. This is also why I talk in my mind to Heavenly Father all day long - sometimes right out loud. Because I can't seem to find a single chunk of time sufficient to access my Father. I just talk to him while I'm washing the dishes, while I'm driving the car, and especially when I'm looking for my keys. And I'm glad he can hear me through all the noise.