Life lesson #2 - The Kiss

Jay and I met at church. On the day he reported his mission my family was sitting far in the back and my mother leaned over and said to my dad, “Now that is a boy I could let my daughter marry.” He was very impressive. But I was almost to go on my mission and felt very focused on that goal at the time. I heard him speak at Stake Conference and thought he was just so darn likeable. I spoke to him after church shortly thereafter congratulating him on a successful mission. He said, “Hey, we should get together sometime,” and I agreed. We got together that very night and had a great time talking. We seemed to become instant best friends. On the day of our first official date my mission papers were sent to Salt Lake. There was never any doubt as our relationship progressed that I would go, in his mind or mine. The Lord had made it very clear the previous year that I was to go and I wanted to. Jay wanted to have a little time for college and fun and didn’t feel the time was right for him either so he didn’t try to persuade me to stay.

I went and had a life changing 20 months that I am so grateful for as it shaped the rest of my life. Thank you, Jay for supporting and encouraging me during this time of great growth. More about that another time.

On my flight returning from the Dominican Republic I was almost as eager to see Jay as I was my own family. There had been a change in my itinerary that very day and Jay did not get the message that I would be coming in an hour earlier . As a result when I stepped off the plane he was not among the family and friends who were there to greet me. I cast my eyes about furtively hoping he would suddenly appear but he didn’t and I didn’t ask. But he called from the airport about an hour after we arrived home and came over. It was winter and I had just spent a year in the tropical sun and I remember thinking he was the whitest guy I had seen in a long time. But he looked great white!

I hate to confess this, but the thing I was most excited and terrified about was kissing him. I was pretty positive that he’d had a little practice while I was gone and I most certainly hadn’t and…well, it was a predicament. So when we came into the driveway of my parent’s home after our first post mission date and while the car was still rolling to a stop, I leaped out, ran into the house and shut the door. Leaning against it I suddenly thought, “What have I done????” I quickly opened the door. Jay was sitting in his car looking a bit bewildered and I called out, “Will I see you tomorrow?” “Your call,” he said. Thank goodness! “Then, yes. Yes! I will see you tomorrow. Goodnight!” I closed the door.

It went on like this for about 2 months as I recall. Mind you, Jay was living 5 hours away in Rexburg and we didn’t get to see each other all that often but I was thoroughly smitten and completely terrified that I might ruin everything with a less than perfect kiss. Each time we were together and he tried to kiss me I would suddenly jump up or turn my head and change the subject and it was all very miserable. I tried kissing a guy I knew who had just returned from his mission just to get the tiniest bit of practice. Bad, bad idea. Not even the tiniest bit of chemistry. A total waste of a good kiss – for him as well as me, I’m sure. So I was back to square one. What to do?

I planned a visit to Jay in Rexburg. I would stay with his FHE sisters and we would hang out (he and I, not the sisters) and I would let him kiss me. We would just get it over with and hopefully he would still like me as much as I knew I would still like him. Don’t get me wrong. I wanted to kiss him. My heart started racing any time I even thought about it – I was just afraid I would ruin everything. For one week we spent every waking minute together but something was terribly wrong. Jay didn’t try to kiss me. Not once. One day went by, then two, then three, then a week had gone by and no attempt. Had he given up? It seemed he had. That left the responsibility squarely on my shoulders. I would have to be the initiator. I would have to be the kisser and not the kissee. And there was not a moment to spare because I was going home the next day.

That night when he dropped me off at his sister’s apartment we stood outside the door. He turned to go and I knew that it was now or never. I grabbed his hand and pulled him back to me. His face came right to mine. We were eye to eye, nose to nose, almost mouth to mouth and then… And then he turned on his heel and started to laugh. He walked and laughed and I stood and watched him go. And then I started to laugh. I went home from Rexburg unkissed but wiser and much less tense. It’s a story we still laugh about today.

I learned that you shouldn’t dish it out if you can’t take it.

I learned that laughing is the very best way to ease a tense situation.

I learned that the man I was destined to marry had serious will power and was capable of doing whatever he set his mind to. It remains one of his best qualities.